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Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

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Wanda Sykes

Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida. . . Good grief. . . Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.

Change, Clubs, Florida, Grief, Needs, Strip
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I'm a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.

Gay, Hate, Make, Sent, Thinking

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

Gun, House, Invited, People, Shoot

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

Caves, Giving, Lemonade, Lemons, Unique

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

Inspirational, Passion, Stop, Supposed, Wish

These CEOs, man. . . If you're that ruthless, you're a scary dude. I tell you, now when I walk past a little gang banger, I don't even blink. But if I see a white dude with a Wall Street Journal, I haul ass. Before I walk past the Arthur Andersen building, I cut through the projects. If you cut through the projects, you may just lose what you have on you that day. I ain't never been mugged of my whole future.

Banger, Cutting, Men, Scary, Wall, Whole
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