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People call me all the time and say, “Man, your players aren't signed yet. ” Well, it doesn't really matter what time dinner is when you're the steak.

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James Thurber

If I have sometimes seemed to make fun of Woman, I assure you it has only been for the purpose of egging her on.

Assure, Fun, Purpose, Seemed, Women
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Two is company, four is a party, three is a crowd. One is a wanderer.

Four, Party, Three, Two

We are a nation that has always gone in for the loud laugh, the wow, the yak, the belly laugh, and the dozen other labels for the roll- em-in-the-aisles gagerissimo. This is the kind of laugh that delights actors, directors, and producers, but dismays writers of comedy because it is the laugh that often dies in the lobby. The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

Gone, Home, Laughter, Success, War, Warmth

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

Animal, Dog, Heaven, Immortality, Known, Nature

Let me be the first to admit that the naked truth about me is to the naked truth about Salvador Dali as an old ukulele in the attic is to a piano in a tree, and I mean a piano with breasts. Senor Dali has the jump on me from the beginning. He remembers and describes in detail what it was like in the womb. My own earliest memory is of accompanying my father to a polling booth in Columbus, Ohio, where he voted for William McKinley.

Accompanying, Admit, Father, Mean, Memories, Remembers

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

Beer, Drinking, Enough, Right, Three, Two
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