The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just … - Jon Stewart

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I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he's done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden.

Jon Stewart

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

Balls, Drank, Home, Night, Shot, Two

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If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem.

America, Barack, Funny, Make, Maybe, Usa

The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.

America, Law, Passed, Vote, Wisdom, Wise

So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.

America, News, Smirnoff, Stalin, Voice

That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.

1973, Committee, Ethics, Oxymoron, Rolex

Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work.

Broke, Complaining, Fun, Joy, Nice, Work