Top Jon Stewart Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Jon Stewart Biography

Jon Stewart (born Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz; November 28, 1962) is an American comedian, writer, producer, director, political commentator, actor, and television host. He is best known for being the host of The Daily Show, a satirical news program on Comedy Central, from 1999 to 2015.

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Jon Stewart Quotes

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Funny, Gun, Iraq, Problem, Pretext

People would like to place a standard on our show that doesn't exist. We're not set up for reporting; we don't have an apparatus for that. We're discussing things that hopefully people might get something out of, but it's wildly inconsistent. Just because we hit on points that resonate, or people think are real complaints - that doesn't make us journalists.

Exist, People, Points, Real, Standard, Thinking

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

Balls, Drank, Home, Night, Shot, Two

The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.

Curriculum, Elective, Exciting, Graduation, Life Is, Unfortunate

Bush proposed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Some saw the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others saw it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President. . . Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding.

Cheney, Daughter, Gay, Move, Moving, Proposed

People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.

Assault, Bad, Habit, Men, People, Talk

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite. ' And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

Christian, Believe, Thinking, Right, Kept

I can't rationalize the brilliance and knowledge that you have about the intricacies of the market with the crazy bullshit I see you do each night.

Bullshit, Crazy, Market, Night, See

But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.

Government, Long, Perfect, Remember

The (Supreme Court) ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus.

Anus, Big, Decided, Government, Guy, Liberty

As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.

Cher, Commercial, Happiness, Happy, Long, Skins

The thing that [the Senate and the House] don't realize is that everyone wants them to come from beyond that contradiction so that we can all fix it. Nobody is saying, "We don't have a problem. " Nobody is saying that, "9
11 didn't happen. " What they're saying is, "We're not a fragile country, trust us to have this conversation, so that we can do this in the right way, in a more effective way. "

Contradiction, Conversation, Country, House, Saying, Want

I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's very specifically focused, and hopefully people can add to their entire puzzle that gives them a larger picture of what it is that they see.

Giving, Hopefully, Larger, People, Positive, Thinking

The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you know, a lot of those blog reporters and all of those things are bringing a lot of urgency and a lot of momentum to stories that wouldn't normally carry any momentum.

Doors, Government, Know, Media, Think, Thinking

War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.

Country, War, Years, Affected, Imagine

The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.

Bias, Conflict, Laziness, Mainstream, Media, Sensationalism

I'm less upset with politicians than [with] the media. I feel like politicians ? the way I explain it, is when you go to a zoo and a monkey throws feces, it's a monkey. But when the zookeeper is standing right there and he doesn't say, 'Bad monkey' ? somebody's gotta be the zookeeper.

Gotta, Media, Say, Upset, Zoos

I have the liberal dictionary right here. . . let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage. '

Bomb, Cities, Define, Gay, Rights, See

Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.

800, Children, Give, House, Iraq, War

I don't think politics is any longer about a conversation with the country.

Conversation, Country, Think, Thinking

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