Many spiritual seekers who say their wish is to awaken don't actually want what they believe they do. This becomes clear sometimes at the approach to the brink of what feels like a void, where the obliteration of the egoic self seems imminent. With a shocked recognition of what is being asked, the person will recoil. The scale of the loss-the dissolution of the familiar self-is beyond what was bargained for.
We never really know and the very fact that there are such words in the language as disappointment, regret, etc. , is testimony to the pervasiveness and persistence of this feature of the human condition.