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I see a lot of true artists. . . then you see them on the cover of Maxim. That's the lowest of low to me. I would never do anything like that.

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Al Yankovic

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

Gateways, Kids, Know, Reading, Witchcraft
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As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

Able, Dad, Father, Happy, Used

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

Arguments, Discuss, Paper, Political, Toilet, Toilets

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

Guess, Ifs, Money, Money Can'T Buy Happiness, Rent, Sassy

That's a big part of my life - doing things that I'm not prepared to do. Doing things that I don't know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them. I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I'll catch up.

Big, Comfort, Depth, Good, Trying

As a wise man once said, "April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads. "

April, Excuse, Fools Day, Men, Wise
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