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People are not theirs thoughts, they think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness.

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Johnny Carson

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

Auditions, Everybody, Guy, Public, Sing, Want
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Business, Congratulations, Hand, Hands, Success, Working

I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, "I guess you're so big we bore you now. "

Attitude, Bore, Bores You, Boys, Seeing, Towns

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Birthday, Christmas, Keep, People, World

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Democracy, Income, Life, Republican, Sex

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

Lightning, Relatives, Side, Statistics, Winning
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