You are not free until you have no need to impress anybody.
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.
If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
I do not wish upon anyone a descent into hell. But if your life has to be turned inside out in order for you to know yourself--if the shadow of a shaman crosses your path and you turn and follow it down--I pray that you use its force wisely. I hope that you take the ultimate responsibility for your actions and that you consecrate any destruction to the rebuilding of your higher self and a more radiant life.
And then there's this guy, Barack Obama, who lost - I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures, but - he lost his first race for Congress, and now he gets to call himself my husband.
Your capacity to keep your vow will depend on the purity of your life.
The equal toleration of all religions. . . is the same as atheism.