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I'd rather hang out with the losers that would sit and smoke a cigarette than the ones who wanted to throw a baseball.

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Jay London

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

Book, Fall, Falling, Kept, Loss, Pages
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My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

Cheese, Cheesy, Family, Lactose, Take, Whole Family

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

Opportunity, Rocks, Usually, Window

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

Blunt, Boyfriend, Father, Instrument, Tears, Told

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

Casting, Clouds, People, Showed

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

Funny, Life, Mood, Swings, Take, Witty
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