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What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives. Look at us. We run a tightrope daily, balancing a pile of books on the head. Baby-carriage, parasol, kitchen chair, still under control. Steady now! This is not the life of simplicity but the life of multiplicity that the wise men warn us of.

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Christian Finnegan

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

Actor, Actors, Egocentric, Enough, Writer
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Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.

Intellectual, Nothing, Person, Pimp, Positive, Sex

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Facts, Idiot, Intelligence, Intelligent, Sentence, Word

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

Charges, Charity, Effort, Michael, Molestation

I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless I really want to spend the rest of my life temping, or teaching drama to third-graders, I don't have a lot of other options - which is freeing, in a way. I never have to say, "Well, I could always go back to law school. "

Drama, Options, Particularly, School, Teaching

What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!

Bags, Break, Car, People, Weed
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