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There is no greater mystery than this, that we keep seeking reality though in fact we are reality. We think that there is something hiding reality and that this must be destroyed before reality is gained. How ridiculous! A day will dawn when you will laugh. . . at all your past efforts. That which will be the day you laugh is also here and now.

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Joyce Carol Oates

Alone, she took hot baths and sat exhausted in the steaming water, wondering at her perpetual exhaustion. All that winter she noticed the limp, languid weight of her arms, her veins bulging slightly with the pressure of her extreme weariness. . . one day in January she drew a razor blade lightly across the inside of her arm, near the elbow, to see what would happen.