My mother drove back to the intersection. "Who are you dating?" "Don't ask," I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.
A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance.
I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.
I don't think in terms of results at all. I think: what next insanity can I shock the world with?
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
The audience. They see the name Mel Brooks, they want something really funny. They don't want to be moved; they don't want to be taught any lessons. [. . . ] I get more letters for Twelve Chairs and Life Stinks than I get from any other movies, because people actually agree with the philosophy, or were moved, or they love the movie.
I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart. . . badoom, badoom, badoom.
No, I've heard over the years that it's nice for them to see somebody who's like, you know, a well-known successful musician who's Asian. I've heard it from a few musicians, too.
I only miss you when I'm breathing
Lots of people say if you dredge too much stuff up, you'll go crazy - "You'll go insane!" But for a comedian, insanity is not a problem. It's a goal.
In summation, like your beloved pet rock, Twitter is useful only in your imagination.