Henry Nichols Beard (born June 7, 1945) is an American humorist, one of the founders of the magazine National Lampoon and the author of several best-selling books.
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf
Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.
Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club.
I simply cannot imagine why anyone would eat something slimy served in an ashtray.
Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.
Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.
Garden: One of a vast number of free outdoor restaurants operated by charity-minded amateurs in an effort to provide healthful, balanced meals for insects, birds and animals.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one.
A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
The true definition of a perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.
You do not sew with a fork and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.
Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.
Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.
Chef: Any cook who swears in French.
Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.