Douglas William Jerrold (London 3 January 1803 – 8 June 1857 London) was an English dramatist and writer.
A conservative is a man who will not look at the new moon out of respect for that 'ancient institution' the old one.
Reputations, like beavers and cloaks, shall last some people twice the time of others.
There are a good many pious people who are as careful of their religion as of their best service of china, only using it on holy occasions, for fear it should get chipped or flawed in working-day wear.
If an earthquake were to engulf England tomorrow, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubbish, just to celebrate the event.
Rogues are prone to find things before they are lost.
Malice blunts the point of wit.
Slugs crawl and crawl over our cabbages, like the world's slander over a good name. You may kill them, it is true; but there is the slime.
What a fine-looking thing is war! Yet, dress it as we may, dress and feather it, daub it with gold, huzza it, and sing swaggering songs about it,--what is it, nine times out of ten, but murder in uniform!
Keep your eyes and ears open, if you desire to get on in the world.
If slander be a snake, it is a winged one - it flies as well as creeps.
Man owes two solemn debts--one to society, and one to-nature. It is only when he pays the second that he covers the first.
A coquette is like a recruiting sergeant, always on the lookout for fresh victims.
Luck, mere luck may make even madness wisdom.
Love the sea? I dote upon it--from the beach.
Jewels! It's my belief that when woman was made, jewels were invented only to make her the more mischievous.
Self-defense is the clearest of all laws; and for this reason - the lawyers didn't make it.
That man is thought a dangerous knave, Or zealot plotting crime, Who for advancement of his kind Is wiser than his time.
Virtue is a beautiful thing in woman when they don't go about with it like a child with a drum making all sorts of noise with it.
Religion is in the heart, not in the knees.
Grumblers deserve to be operated upon surgically; their trouble is usually chronic.