My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.
It reminds me of two drunks leaning on each other.
I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
God knows America would be the greatest again if she operated like the Nugent family. No takers, no whiners, no gangsters, no dopers, no drunks, no criminals, no bloodsuckers, no excuse makers, no crybabies, no punks, no Obama supporters.
The Lord looks after drunks and Americans.
I believe all drunks go to heaven, because they've been through hell on Earth.
I was naturally a loner, content just to live with a woman, eat with her, sleep with her, walk down the street with her. I didn't want conversation, or to go anywhere except the racetrack or the boxing matches. I didn't understand t. v. I felt foolish paying money to go into a movie theatre and sit with other people to share their emotions. Parties sickened me. I hated the game-playing, the dirty play, the flirting, the amateur drunks, the bores.
Maybe some folks are alcoholics and others are just voluntary drunks. Maybe some folks drink due to body chemistry and others due to their lazy characters. Maybe some have drinking problems, while others have problems enough to drink.
We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job. We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus - whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?
The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other drunks in places we all know are filled with drunks.
God has a special providence for fools, drunks, and the United States of America.
As a work of art, it reminds me of a long conversation between two drunks
You know the expression 'God protects fools and drunks'? I qualify for both.
The urge for Chinese food is always unpredictable: famous for no occasion, standard fare for no holiday, and the constant as to demand is either whim, the needy plebiscite of instantly famished drunks, or pregnancy.
Abstract Expressionism was invented by New York drunks.
There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.
God watches over drunks and third baseman.
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.
