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When babies listen, what they're doing is taking statistics on the language that they hear.

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Scott Dikkers

You have sexual tendencies that are not normal, and you should be ashamed of them.

Normal, Sexual, Should, Tendencies
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Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.

Adulthood, Atheist, Believe, Believing, God, Lying

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

Chance, Relationship, Romance, Speaking, Suspicious

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.

Atheism, Atheist, Gift, God, True, True Friend

If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.

Boss, Levels, Primitive, Safe, Say, Survive

Your pet is not your friend. It is your hostage.

Friend, Hostage, Pet
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