God dealt with our whole situation on the cross; there is nothing left for you to settle. Just say to Him, 'Lord, I cannot forgive and I will no longer try to do it; but I trust that You in me will do it. I can't forgive and love; but I trust that You will forgive and love in my place and that You will do these things in me. '
If nothing else will do to sever me from my sins, Lord, send me such sore and trying calamities as shall awake me from earthly slumbers. It must always be best to be alive to Thee, whatever be the quickening instrument.