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Most of us spend our lives convinced that there's something missing: "If only I had a bigger barbecue, more money, a bigger car, a different wife, a different. . . . If only I could upgrade somehow, then I would be okay. "

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Adam Carolla

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

Funny, Humor, Ideas, Know, Relationship, Time
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You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

Cruise, Feelings, Internet, Name, Names, Walk

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

Blown, Down, Down And, Gay, Like, Looks

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

Asking, Judge, Judging, Like, Smell

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

Atheist, Know, Law, Same, Think, Thinking

Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn't break it down piece by piece, stage by stage. The best gift you can give yourself is some drive--that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates. The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.

Believe, Doors, Interviews, Jobs, Stage, Totality
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