There is no place in God's world where there are no people who will come and share a home as long as it is a real home.
I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.
I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant. . . because I believe in myself.
When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time. " Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.
I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.
Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That's not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open. And then he has to step out and come around and close that door. And while he's doing that, I'm on the other side opening the other doors-and we just go around and around and around, and I got my own Benny Hill situation going on in life.
Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, 'Hannibal, why don't you put the napkin in your lap?' Because I believe in myself. I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants 'cause I'm a goddamn adult. And I've mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too and get your life together, that's for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and handeye coordination.
How you go about moving within the world you live in says so much about who you are.
I've never been in a love triangle. I would not want to be in that situation.
You are now, and you do become, what you think about.
This is why I didn't get married last year," she said to him. "I wouldn't be here to nurse you. " She thought about that for a moment. "Of course, one could make the argument that you wouldn't be in this situation if not for me. But we're not going to dwell upon that.