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Music is one of the ways that God has of beating in on man.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

When you're not 21, it's great to drink because you're not allowed to. You're a rebel: you gotta get a fake I. D. , you gotta find a place to drink it, you gotta sneak in drunk. And if you get away with all that, you're laying in bed, your heart's pounding, you got vomit on your chin. You're like, 'I'm a rebel!' And you are. You're cool.

Cool, Drunk, Heart, Place, Sneak In, Vomit
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The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

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Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

Dog, Looked, Men, Noble, Shelter

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

Drinking, Fighting, Leave, Throwing, Wall, Year

My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved to New York in 1920. They used to beat him up because his name was Florence. He had to switch his name to Frank. And then this Christmas, he made an announcement - he goes, 'I'm switching me name back to Florence. ' And we beat him up, 'cause it's a dumb name and he's old and weak and it was easy.

Dumb, Frank, Names, New York, Switch, Used

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Guy, Guys, Hummer, Ifs, Small, Want
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