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Lewis Grizzard Biography

Lewis McDonald Grizzard Jr. (October 20, 1946 – March 20, 1994) was an American writer and humorist, known for his Southern demeanor and commentary on the American South. Although he spent his early career as a newspaper sports writer and editor, becoming the sports editor of the Atlanta Journal at age 23, he is much better known for his humorous newspaper columns in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He was also a popular stand-up comedian & lecturer.

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Lewis Grizzard Quotes

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Food, Garden, Pleasant, Summer, Think, Tomato

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

Aging, Happiness, Hate, Man, Men, Upstairs

When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?

Back, Care, Love, Old, Valentine, Valentines Day

In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid. ' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.

Clothes, Difference, Differences, Mean, Nekkid, Somethin

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

Flat, Flats, Heart, Sadness, Tore

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Family, Funny, Grew, House, Marriage, Relationship

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Attitude, Call, Dog, Funny, Neck, Please

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Leadership, Dog, Race, Dogsled, Like

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

Next, Noses, Restaurant, Sit, Smoker, Smoking

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Life, Love, Same, Sex, Women

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Educated, Intelligence, Know, Knows, Lots, People

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

Dead, Elvis, Feel Good, Feels, Good

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

Funny, Humor, Life, Perspective, Sexually, Transmitted

Spring time is the land awakening.

Awakening, Land, Spring, Time

"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later. " "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica. " Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

Book, Fear, Geography, Guilt, Mother, Read

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

Back, Feet, Georgia, Nail, Nails

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Block, Football, Life, Motivational, Points, Success

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

Driving, Start, Walking

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard.

Grow, Grows, Money, Orchard, Tree, Trees

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

Dead, Drinking, Prove, Raise, Sick, Way

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