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To deserve this fate what have I ever done?. . . All I want is just a little piece of mind but the angels won't have it.

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Art Buchwald

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday. . . I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

80Th, Birthday, Firefighter, Let, Security, Way
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

Door, Doors, House, Part, Pretend, Son

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

School, Night, Government, Week, Company, Executive

The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

Book, Having, Parties, Party, Thing, Writing

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it

Came, Faked, Funny Wine, Wine, Writing

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

Fighting, Literary, Use, Wife, Working, Writing
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