I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't … - Andy Rooney

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Perhaps one feels more pain when parents are there. It's like when you're hungry, you know, it's worse to get a symbol of a cheeseburger than no cheeseburger at all. It doesn't do you any good, you know.

Andy Rooney

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

Hey, Knack, Paper, People, Yeah

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Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

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Where some people may see loving grandparents, I see a pair of feckless boobs who can't drive, take way too long to shop, and don't even have the most basic grasps on the new technology. As a staunch supporter of the principles of Darwinism, I think that advances in modern medicine are starting to overrule the survival of the fittest, and it's to our [youngers'] detriment.

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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

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I've learned. . . That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

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