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The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault.

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Calvin Trillin

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

Disturbed, Expect, People, Serious
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Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

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The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Found, Funny, Mom, Mother, Mothers Day, Thirty

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Butler, Everyone, Inspirational, Sound, Writing

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.

America, Come, Events, Pass, Write, Writing

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

Answers, Convince, Math, Subject, Teacher
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