Top Tom Lehrer Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Tom Lehrer Biography

Thomas Andrew Lehrer (/ˈlɛrər/; born April 9, 1928) is a retired American musician, singer-songwriter, satirist, and mathematician. He has lectured on mathematics and musical theater. He is best known for the pithy, humorous songs he recorded in the 1950s and 1960s.

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Tom Lehrer Quotes

I wasn't really a performer by temperament.

Performer, Performers, Temperament

On Christmas day you can't get sore, your fellow man you must adore. There's time to cheat him all the more the other three hundred and sixty-four

Christmas, Day, Men, Three, Time

The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines. . . I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirize George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporize them. And that's not funny. . . . OK, well, if I say that, I might get a shock laugh, but it's not really satire.

Laugh, Real, Song, Things, Touch, Writing

Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize. . . Only be sure always to call it please "research".

Eye, Men, Plagiarize, Remember, Research

I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one another, the least they can do is SHUT UP.

People, Shut, Shut Up, Thinking, Trouble

I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.

Applauding, Dark, Everything, Listen, Reading, Writing

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

Commitment, People, Root, Square, Squares, Two

I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now it's been quoted and quoted, and therefore misquoted.

Believe, Dead, Hands, Heard, Picked

So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV

Bomb, Long, Mom, See, Shelter, Waiting

The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's American as apple pie.

American, Apples, Folks, Hate, Pie

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Age, Sobering, Two, Years

In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it. . . research.

Call, Mathematics, Research, Secret, Success

If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers.

Song, Rap, Writing, Write, Rock

From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.

Add, Away, Eight, Three, Two, Use

Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!

Naughty, Wall, Write, Writing

Comedy is very important, yes. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally a conversion, because if people tune in or go to a nightclub or even watch television, and hear that a lot of other people are laughing at something you thought was not funny, at least it'll force you to reconsider.

Laughing, Mean, Nightclub, People, Tune

Once you've heard the joke, it's not funny anymore, but it's the way it's told. And I think that's the same with the music: The reason some of my songs have lasted longer is there's a lot of stuff packed in there. You want to hear them more than once.

Joke, Lasted, Same, Song, Thinking, Want

People are stupider than anybody.

People, Stupider

Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then

Eighteen, Happen, Mean, Nineteen, Prayer, Taught

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

Became, Henry, Henry Kissinger, Kissinger, Political, Satire

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