Top Craig Kilborn Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Craig Kilborn Biography

Craig Kilborn (born August 24, 1962) is an American comedian, sports and political commentator, actor, and television host. He was the first host of The Daily Show, a former anchor on ESPN's SportsCenter, and Tom Snyder's successor on CBS' The Late Late Show. On June 28, 2010, he launched The Kilborn File after a six-year absence from television. The Kilborn File aired on some Fox stations during a six-week trial run. In comedy, he is known for his deadpan delivery.

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Craig Kilborn Quotes

California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'

Asking, California, Candidates, Four

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating. '

Brother, People, Misanthrope, Said, Asked

President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.

War, President, Vietnam, Fought, Candidates, Created

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

Als, Flash, Found, Found Someone, John, President

While there's no 'I' in team, there's also no 'you', okay? So back off.

Back, Insult, Okay, Team

In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

Boston, Massachusetts, Thing, World, Years

Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.

Apparently, Hats, Schwarzenegger, Six, Women

Saddam Hussein is about to face trial and George Bush wants to execute him. Not because of the war crimes, but because Saddam is beating him in the polls.

Beating, Hussein, Trial, Trials, War

Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

Code, Eight, Names, Papers, Secret, Ted

Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

Approval Rating, Increased, Ironically, Military, President, Ratings

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

Already, Announced, Arnold, California, People, Running

Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.

Hillary, Intern, Memoir, Personality, Shining, Sleep

There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'

Bush, Confused, Jobs, New Job, Take

Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here. '

Campaign, Jerry, Ohio, Race, Running, Said

If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch!

Dream, Like, Love, Loving, Loving You, Wrong

It's not a big part,. . . I wheel in an ultrasound machine and say to Taylor's gynecologist, 'If you have a problem with it, just give it a light tap on the side. ' Then they hand me a urine sample, and I put it up to the light and say 'Hmm, looks pretty healthy, but I'll check. '

Hands, Healthy, Light, Say, Ultrasound, Ultrasounds

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Chasing, Dog, Funny, Keith, Successful

I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.

Apartment, Lifestyle, Studio, Studios

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

Con, Enjoyed, Red, Retirement, Truffle, Wine

Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?

Doe, Orange, Ridge, Security, Yellow

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