The only subject fewer authentic Americans cared about than the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo was World Cup Soccer. America is an epic global battle with ruthless savages who seek our destruction, and liberals are feeling sorry for the terrorists.
If I'd just paid money to watch a soccer game, I'd want to kill someone too (once the buzz wore off and I realized where I was, because the only thing that would make me pay to watch a soccer game is perhaps a half gallon of whiskey).
Once, I had to drive Oliver to soccer, was ten minutes late, and learned that there had apparently been a misprint in the Bible on the Ten Commandments thing: Thou shalt not murder, thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt not be late to soccer. My father was so pissed, I practically had to get the lightning bolt surgically removed from my back.
Well Ibrox is filling up slowly, but rapidly
If my parents were still alive, they would be very proud. They gave me a good start in life, the values that have driven me, and the confidence to believe in myself.
Mabutt has now played seven consecutive games for England, this is his seventh
The real revelation of a player's character is not in his social life but in how he plays. In my social life I can hide my real personality.
Soccer is what I grew up doing - it's my passion, and I'm way more comfortable on the field in my soccer cleats.
My show is an adult comedy show, but it isn't offensive. Your kids could listen to it, even though I hope they wouldn't 'get' most of it. But I get a lot of fan mail from soccer moms saying 'I love having your CD because I can listen to it with my kids in the car. '
It is great that soccer can unite people for one day. It is something politics has often tried, and we were able to do it today. All people became brothers.
Baseball is a team game but, at the same time, it's a very lonely game: unlike in soccer or basketball, where players roam around, in baseball everyone has their little plot of the field to tend. When the action comes to you, the spotlight is on you but no one can help you.
I’ve always had this idea that if you’re going to try something, if you’re going to expend that first big block of effort and energy to participate - whether it’s riding the Tour de France or applying for a new job or coaching your daughter’s soccer team - you might as well go ahead and give whatever else it takes to win, I mean, I’m going to be there no matter what, right? Why not go ahead and get the victory?
He is as tough as anything. You can crack him once, but he won't let it bother him. He's back on his feet in no time and getting on with it. He is a strong character and a great sight when he's heading for goal.
The league, I think, is doing well. It's growing, it's maturing, and it's becoming a better league. (on Major League Soccer)
On occasions I have been big-headed. I think most people are when they get in the limelight. I call myself Big Head just to remind myself not to be.
Kicked wide of the goal with such precision
So, before leading my troops into battle, we would get drunk and drugged up, sacrifice a local teenager, drink their blood, then strip down to our shoes and go into battle wearing colourful wigs and carrying dainty purses we'd looted from civilians. We'd slaughter anyone we saw, chop their heads off and use them as soccer balls. We were nude, fearless, drunk and homicidal. We killed hundreds of people - so many I lost count.
The dark aftermath of the frontier, of the vast promise of possibility this country first offered, is an inflated sense of American entitlement today. We want what we want, and we want it now. Easy credit. Fast food. A straight shot down the interstate from point A to point B. The endless highway is crowded with the kinds of cars large enough to take a mountain pass in high snow. Instead they are used to take children from soccer practice to Pizza Hut. In the process they burn fuel like there's no tomorrow. Tomorrow's coming.
Football is based on desperation. All clubs are desperate in one form or another - desperate to succeed, desperate to survive, desperate to stay where they are, desperate that things get no worse, desperate to arrest the slide.
It was a titanic effort.