Every morning when I awake, the greatest of joys is mine: that of being Salvador Dali.
Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.
The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it. . . You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.
People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.
There's been so much talk in the news lately about illegal aliens in the workplace. When was the last time an illegal alien stole your job? Oh yeah, that dream job of the Chinese Delivery man pedaling up Broadway delivering Chinese food for 40 cents an hour, or on the back of a landscaping truck with 15 others.
Everybody thought that Titanic was the most romantic movie ever. A story about two teenagers who knew each other for three days. Try to make that movie with a couple that's been together for a few years. 'Get in the goddamn boat, Rose!' 'I don't wanna get in the boat!' 'Get in, come on, I'm freezing my ass off out here! I wanted to go to Jamaica, but no, we had to go on a cruise in the middle of the winter!' 'You never draw me naked anymore'
Terrorism is obviously on everybody's mind. The other day my son says to me, 'Daddy, how come the bad men hate us?' How sad is that? I actually got tears in my eyes - because he's 18. What kind of a moron am I raising?
Indifference is the dead weight of history.
My favorite movies are love stories.
I'm constantly struggling with the futility and even sinfulness, from an antinatalist point of view, of creativity. And that struggle itself seems part of the creativity, though I sometimes suspect that it's nothing but a burden and an obstacle.
When I have one week to solve a seemingly impossible problem, I spend six days defining the problem. Then, the solution becomes obvious.