Tatsuhiko Takimoto (滝本 竜彦, Takimoto Tatsuhiko, born September 20, 1978) is a Japanese author best known for his novel Welcome to the N.H.K.
I'm greedier than anyone. I don't want some half-assed happiness I don't need some partial warmth. I want a happiness that goes on forever. That's impossible, though! I don't know why it is, but in this world, some interference is sure to come. Important things break right away. I've been alive for twenty-two years, and I know at least this much. It doesn't matter what the thing is, but it will break. That's why, from the beginning, it's better not to need anything.
There weren't any villains though. The world was just complicated in various ways, and there weren't any obvious villains to be found. It was excruciating.
I've read over 200 self improvement books. I know what to do to change my life around, but I have the fear of that change. What will happen then? I have the fear that something unexpected may occur.
Because of our broken instincts we are in pain. We continue in pain because our instincts have been twisted by reason. So, what are we supposed to do? Should we abandon knowledge? Throw away reason? In any event, that wouldn't be possible. For better or worse, we ate the fruit of knowledge long, long ago.
It's natural for a person to deny he's a failure as a human being. That's why he searches for somebody who is more miserable than himself. That's why so much animosity exists on the Internet. Those who aren't able to find a more miserable person turn to the Internet and call other people losers, even though they've never met just to make themselves superior. Isn't that pathetic? There's a sense of security that comes from speaking badly of someone else. But that isn't true salvation.
If that type of bad God did exist, then we could go on living in good health. If we could push the responsibility for our misery onto God, then we would have that much more peace of mind, wouldn't we?
Don't you understand? Listen carefully to what I'm saying. If you do, you'll get it. you can grasp this easily. In short. . . in short, I shut myself in because I'm lonely. Because I don't want to face any more loneliness, I shut myself away.
No human beings, regardless of who they might be, want to look directly at their own shortcomings.
Frightened of my futureless life, scared by my foolish anxieties, unable to see ahead and aiming nowhere, I continued ceaselessly living my ridiculously idiotic life. I was beset on all sides by invisible worries. So, I shut myself in and slept. I slept until sleep exhausted me. Spring passed, summer ended, fall came, and then winter arrived. Then, it turned into another gentle spring.
Being alone is best. I mean, it's true, isn't it? In the end you'll be absolutely alone; therefore, being alone is natural. If you accept that, nothing bad can happen. That's why I shut myself away in my six-mat one-room apartment.
To a hikikomori, winter is painful because everything feels cold, frozen over, and lonely. To a hikikomori, spring is also painful because everyone is in a good mood and therefore enviable. Summer, of course, is especially painful.