NVC is interested in learning that is motivated by reverence for life, by a desire to learn skills, to contribute better to our own well-being and the well-being of others.
In our culture, most of us have been trained to ignore our own wants and to discount our needs.
I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please".
Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.
Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.
Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.
The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.
We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.
Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.
Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move forward.
Never do anything that isn't play.
NVC can be effectively applied at all levels of communication and in diverse situations: intimate relationships, families, schools, organizations and institutions, therapy and counseling, diplomatic and business negotiations, disputes and conflicts of any nature.
People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.
All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions.
NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.
Anger, depression, guilt, and shame are the product of the thinking that is at the base of violence on our planet.
With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.
I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.