On females officiating in the NBA -Incompetence should not be confined to one sex.
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
It's funny, though, because when I first started going to races after we met, I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone, so I was really hesitant.
Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin. '
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do it! We're praying for you. " The advice starts. "Use a heavier ball. " "Keep your arm straight. " "You should get a vasectomy. " If you're really bad at bowling like me, they'll ask if want the bumpers up. Not that bowling is that complex anyway. "You want the bumpers? We can get rid of the pins. Why don't you take this coloring book and sit in the corner?"
This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories. . . if you lick it.
I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.
Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it.
He was wearing a look that she found odd and compelling - that amusement that didn’t seem to pass beyond the surface of his features, as he found everything in the world both infinitely funny and infinitely tragic all at the same time.
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.
I'm not someone who shies away from darkness being funny.
People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything.
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School.
It was always a fantasy of mine growing up - my favorite program was always 'Little House on the Prairie' - so I always wanted to wear those looks. When I was a child, I wouldn't let my mom put me in anything but calico dresses and now. . . whaddaya know, every day I'm in a calico dress, basically, so it's kind of funny.
If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.
