I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
I think that the episodes are like mini horror films really; the characters make bad decisions early on and these things just snowball for them and get worse and worse. And that's what I find funny.
Whoever, in middle age, attempts to realize the wishes and hopes of his early youth, invariably deceives himself. Each ten years of a man's life has its own fortunes, its own hopes, its own desires.
I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter.
All the time he's boxing, he's thinking. All the time he was thinking, I was hitting him.
I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.
I'm conducting slowly because I don't know the tempo.
From my close observation of writers. . . they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review.
To be reminded that one is very much like other members of the animal kingdom is often funny. . . though. . . I do not too much mind being somewhat like a cat.
Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
When you work with people and are friends with them also, you have more of a shorthand. I think people relax more and it opens the door to being less precious and trying things that, when you're shooting and writing, it becomes much more collaborative - therefore funny, hopefully.
If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the next thing you know he's got a big office, a huge salary and is living in a fine home with a lovely wife and swell kids - another career blown to hell.
Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, and the next heavyweight championship of the world!
You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
All my graduation money went to paying for bartending classes so I could have a side gig. I bartended for two months before I was supposed to move to New York and then two months later I got the job as an understudy in 'Sister Act' and haven't looked back since.
I don't want to be rich and I don't want to be famous.
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