If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.
Whoever tells the best story wins.
All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.
I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything. "
Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.
The greatest luxury of riches is that they enable you to escape so much good advice.
When in doubt, blow something up.
It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.
I like girls to be wild but at the same time beautifully brought up and very funny.
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
