I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
Not being funny doesn't make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humor does.
They are again in the dirt in the desert
People see my impressions as a great skill and I am flattered, but there are things I can't do that everyone else can. I can do funny voices and funny faces but I can't drive.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.
Man is the inventor of stupidity.
I don't pull out because. . . it's not my problem.
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?
Golf is my boyfriend right now.
Having a college degree gave me the opportunity to be. . . well-rounded. Also, the people I met at the university, most of them are still my colleagues now. People I've known for years are all in the industry together.
Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen.
The printing press is either the greatest blessing or the greatest curse of modern times, sometimes one forgets which it is.
If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life.
The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.
Be advised that there is no parking in Europe.
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.
I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.
